January 19, 2005

Dilbert’s Rules of Order

  • I can only please one person per day… Today is not your day… Tomorrow is not looking good either.
  • Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
  • Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing him again.
  • I DON’T HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM … YOU HAVE A PERCEPTION PROBLEM.
  • Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, “where the heck is the ceiling?”
  • My reality check bounced.
  • On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
  • I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
  • Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
  • Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
  • A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt
  • The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
  • You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  • Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
  • If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
  • When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
  • When everything is coming your way … you’re in the wrong lane!
  • Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
  • An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
  • There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn’t get worse every year.
  • I am having an out of money experience.
  • Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
  • I plan on living forever… So far, so good.

Via.

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